So here I am many many months later. And frankly, I don’t have anything to show for it.
I feel so shitty, most of the time. Not always, but every day at least at one point. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I have zero motivation to do anything. I just sit inside all day and I sleep, because what happens there is more interesting than my time alone.
I feel useless. What have I to offer? Nothing much. A soft conversation here and there. I’m just a mucky wreck. Everything is going by so quickly and it’s as though I’ve trapped myself in this, what seems to be, a definitive end to some sort of brain dysfunction.
I’m using that loosely, I know I’m not that far gone. So what’s wrong here? Why have I no drive towards anything? I tried making cupcakes today, I ruined the whole oven. Just another thing I couldn’t do. I’m overwhelming myself with absolutely nothing, and even less to show from where I had started.
What the fuck is wrong with me.
Where have my friends gone?
I wish my hair would grow faster.
I wonder what Ryan Gosling is doing right now (he’s across the river in Detroit at the mo’) .
Will I bake pretzels or a cheesecake today?
I would love a bike ride with friends too.